And then an interesting thing happened...

Here we are just before Christmas, and I'm recalling this past Thanksgiving time...

I know holidays can feel so many different ways, and there can be a sense of spinning that just begins... and doesn't end until after Christmas. I know at times it can feel like a month of recovery is needed after. It's actually a little strange that the two rest so closely together, don't you think? 

This past Thanksgiving was the third since my mom passed in June of 2022. The first holidays without my mom felt so strangely vacant, and something about this particular year feels like holiday time has normalized in some odd way. Something in my system feels there is some relief that we now understand how to do this now... without her.

There is nothing quite like physically holding onto and hugging someone you dearly love, that you aren't able to now.

I was grateful to have some time to feel my tears and heartbreak, and also grateful that just somehow it felt more settled, softer almost, this particular year.

I still think of her most moments of the day. I'm not sure that will ever go away. She was such a powerful presence in my life that occupied so much space. It's only fitting that she still does while in Spirit.

I had been going and going a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, and ended up with a head and chest cold this Thanksgiving week, which took me away from Thanksgiving family dinner together. 

Our bodies so wisely slow us down when we are running way too fast.

My sister and her family came in the week before Thanksgiving, thank goodness, and seeing my little nephews has been the dearest!

My husband and I "babysat" them one night when they first arrived in, and I learned I'm quite a pushover...

Want to know what kind of aunt I am?

Well... There was plenty of questionable UNO game rules allowed, allowance of eating over 10 small cupcakes each (yep, I'm serious) and open flames near a waving blanket that made me jump sky high off the couch to make sure there were no real flames being created. We had many visits into the neighbor's fenced backyard for a lost football and honestly shared some of the sweetest time together ever. (To see my sweet little nephews at my home, go here.❤️)

Towards the end of the night without their parents there, I watched as they felt right at home in our den, giggling, wrestling and playing. I felt so proud to be a home they feel so loved in, and so honored my sister trusted me with them.

And then an interesting thing happened...

The littlest, who is four, from time to time would drift his eyes up into my eyes, look at me differently, whisper Mimi as my name, (my mom's name they called her), then hug me so softly, as if he might break me. It was in those same breathy moments that I would feel her there with us, too, blending with me... I would hear her laugh instead of mine. I would feel her mannerisms floating through me, words she would say and thoughts she would think.

It's such proof really, how close our passed loved ones are... when felt so truly by little eyes and brains that still feel and know a different reality than we adults do. And how humbling for me to know she is there already, and then recognize the moments I felt her blend were the moments he called her name to me.

So, I'm curious...

Did you have moments you felt your loved one in Spirit this holiday season?